Friday, February 4, 2011

A Letter to Heifer International

Dear Heifer International,

First, I would like to express my genuine appreciation for the organization's efforts to erradicate the evil plight of poverty that has struck so much of the world.  I am a supporter of your efforts and hope success in all future endeavors.  

I am writing to petition for the inclusion of the box turtle in your gift catalogue.  Before you misinterpret this as a shameless attempt to promote one of the most versatile reptiles on planet earth, I would appreciate it if you hear my logical argument for their usefulness as a commodity that could one day pull a needy family out of poverty.

The facts speak for themselves.  Box turtles live very long lives.  In some cases, they have been known to live 40 years, which means the adopting family would have a loyal pet for life.  Box turtles are omnivores.  Feeding them is as easy as dumping the dinner leftovers into their bowl.  They will literally eat anything!  Most importantly, they have the most adorable shells, and they taste delicious as a soup.

It is true that breeding them can prove difficult; however, the benefits of limited success out way the negative.  Imagine being the only family in all of Tanzania with a box turtle.  Upon receiving the gift, they would have immediately cornered the box turtle market.  Believe me; that is huge!  Box turtle soup: that’s some good eatin’!

Kids love box turtles!  We could ship each set of turtles with colored bandannas, a bow staff, katana blade, sai blades, and nunchakus.  Boom! You’ve just expanded “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” into an entire country of eager, young minds.  Can someone say, royalties?

“Gee, Abasi, what did you get from Heifer International?”

“I got bees.  What did you get, Ijumaa?”

“I got a Ninja Turtle!”

“Cool!”

The future success of Heifer International rests close to my heart.  I believe that we can build on a solid foundation with new and bold ideas for expansion.  Ninja box turtles are the perfect update to a “dated” gift catalogue.  Honestly, how many bees does one village really need?  Think about the future.  Think about Box Turtles.

Sincerely,
Lenny
Crazy Lenny’s Box Turtle Emporium
Vienna, MD

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