How conversations go when people learn I am a web designer

Why yes I am a designer. Yeah it is pretty interesting. Oh... cool so you need someone to design a website for your collection of preserved turtles in jars. Oh... wow, yeah I bet it would make a great portfolio piece for whoever designed it. Uh huh, no no I get what you are trying to say. I would be honored to design and develop it for free but you see I am SUPER busy with work people are paying me to do. Oh sorry my weekends are booked and I can't come over to help you photograph your collection, also being a designer doesn't mean I am a photographer. No, making a turtle in a jar logo is not simple I mean... uh huh, what I am trying to say is logos are more complicated than people... what? uh huh... uh huh.. yeah okay... I know we are friends but... uh huh... Fine. Here.

Epic Solitaire

About six months ago I bought my wife, Amy, and I the Samsung Epic 4G Android smart phone to replace our aging Blackberries.  It was like upgrading from dial up service to a cable modem.  The sheer computing power of these phones was overwhelming.  Being a gadget geek, the Samsung Epic was a dream come true.  It combined all of the devices I was using for entertainment and social networking into one, beautiful design.

The Samsung Epic is the Lamborghini of Android phones.  It’s seemless black design with light up navigation keys and a slide-out QWERTY keyboard is a work of art.  Inside, the phone houses a blazing fast processor that is paired with a Super AMOLED touch screen to produce silky smooth graphics.  With the upgrade to Froyo, the Samsung Epic now supports Flash 10.1 (trumping the mighty iPhone 4).  The Samsung Epic 4G is essentially the ultimate gaming Android phone and it was a no-brainer in a crowded market.

Amy was also excited at the prospect of “keeping up with the Jonses.”  After all, our friends had been flashing their iPhones in our faces for years.  We were behind the times; technological lepers.  The Samsung Epic would push us into the next stratosphere of handheld gaming and social networking.  We were finally on the bleeding-edge of technology.  And, we weren’t mindless sheep flocking to an Apple Store.  

Yes, the first six months were sweet.  I downloaded more apps then what I had use for.  I participated in the Internet social cloud.  I started this blog.  The best of all: I played games; a lot of games.  The fact that I could play games with 3D graphics on my phone blew my mind.  AirAttack HD is a long way from BrickBreaker.  We were cool.

Oh, the blasphemy.

One night I cuddled up next to Amy in bed, I noticed she was playing a game on her Samsung Epic.  It occurred to me that I never inquired as to her gaming catalogue.  I inched closer to my darling to peer over her shoulder.  Perhaps she had discovered a game that I had yet to try?  To my surprise, she had indeed found a new game.  Her finger quietly darted along the smooth surface of the Super AMOLED screen.  I estimated she was using about 1/100th of the Epic’s processing power to play Solitaire.  

I wondered if maybe this encounter was just a coincidence.  I knew Amy was not a big gamer, but she did grow up with video games.  She had to have more games?  She had to have interest in exploiting her phones processing power.  

“I think the computer cheats.  It’s probably the algorithm.”  Amy said as, the following day, I found her bouncing on a yoga ball and playing Solitaire on her phone.  Sacrilege!  How dare she play such a pedestrian game!  It was like driving a Lamborghini the speed limit or playing “Hot Cross Buns” on a Bach Stradivarius Trumpet.  

The next day, while lounging on the couch, she was playing MORE solitaire.  On a $600 smart phone.  Solitaire!  I whipped out my Samsung Epic and showed her the brilliance of all the 3D games I had downloaded.  She shrugged as if it didn’t matter.  She liked solitaire.  She wanted to play solitaire.  Before she goes to bed every night she played solitaire.

Someday I will show her the awesome-ness of her Samsung Epic.  She thinks I’m a loon, but one of these days I will root it.  Oh yes, I will steal her phone and root the shit out of it just to unlock the potential buried deep within its processing power.  Then she will weep for it is sweet and powerful.  Enjoy Solitaire on your precious, unrooted Samsung Epic for now.  One of these days you will wake to find it violated in the most beautiful sense.  Some day, my love, I will show you the power within its data banks.  I will break you free of the Solitaire shackles.  Praise Android, you will bask in the heavenly glow of your Super AMOLED display for it is a miracle of science and human ingenuity.  Praise Android, for it is the one and true open operating system.  Praise Android, for its ever increasing market share.  Praise Android, for it will show you the way to gaming bliss.

Now I must depart to complete my Google shrine.  Heil Google! Seien sie nicht übel!

Trees Hate News 1st Podcast!

Click the link to stream or right-click to save.

- Episode 1 -

Jangle

Early bird special....

Check out # 2....

Soba Nippon

Pizza

Pizza
AKA - 'pisa' 'pony pie' 'wet bread' 'portsa' 'the king's face' 'steamed broccoli'

The worlds most underrated bread/cheese/sauce food mixture ever created.

Brief History of Pizza:
Most people are mistaken to think that the pizza originated in Italy along with spaghetti and meatballs. The truth is, pizza was invented by an Australian explorer, James 'kangaroo belly' Dundee, who the Oscar award winning movie crocodile dundee was loosely based on.
The original name for pizza was koala cake. This lasted from 1293 - 1986, when the pizza was introduced to Italy. Once it arrived, the popularity of the pizza exploded world wide and Italy was credited with inventing the pizza.

Of course, they had their own versions of the pizza which were very unpopular.
A common example of the failed version of the pizza: Using seaweed instead of bread, glass instead of cheese and beach sand instead of sauce. Although these ingredients are delicious on their own, they do not meld together (it's the process in the oven that ruins all the flavor) as well as the current pizza ingredients.

Current state of Pizza (world wide):
Pizza is the most popular food on the planet (earth). I know it sounds like a stretch but, I spoke to 3 people and they all agreed. Frank, Jen and something with a P, they were very drunk at a pizza joint downtown after a night of boozin, but they seemed very knowledged on this subject do to the fact that one dude was all in my face about it (he gave me a hug on the way out so it's all good).

Barack Obama has been quoted as saying "This great nation, full of pizza eaters, has hope." Which proves to me that pizza is a well known food. I haven't been able to get my interview with him yet,but when I do, I only have one question for him:
As president, when you walk into Pizza Hut (or Dominos, or Pappa Johns etc.) do you get free Pizza?
I am assuming he would, I would give him a free slice.
Barack, if you are reading this, I will buy you a slice (only 1) if you sit down for an interview with me. I promise, the interview will be more professional then the one you had with Bill O'reilly.

In conclusion:
There are lessons in life, some are more obvious then others but what I hope people learn from todays post is this:
There is a world out there, you need to grab it by the crust, fold it in half and eat most of it, but leave the crust, unless you are really hungry and only have that one slice.

AV Humor

Matt: k, since you guys are audio guys and you've done audio for conferences and speakers and such, do you all have any recommendations for a long, gooseneck podium microphone? The meditation center I go has forever used a traditional microphone, either on a stand or connected to this giant luxo-style-extend-o-thingy as seen here: http://www.meditateinla.org/center/los-angeles-meditation-teacher/ If you have any suggestions or things that I should look for/be aware of (power?) that would be great.  Hope everybody's doing all right!

Scott: Shure MX412 or MX418

Steve: What senator T says is what u want!

Mateo: The MX412 is good but I hate gooseneck microphones with a passion. They sound bad, they can't handle lows and aren't durable. I would stick with a SM58 on a gooseneck arm.

Scott: An SM58 on a gooseneck looks terrible.

Mateo: No it doesn't. Aren't microphones about sound, not looks? What are you, a client? BURN!

Scott: In hospitality AV it's all about looks. That's why I shave my scrotum every morning. Gotta get my tips!

Mateo: Well Matt has to decide if he wants a nice looking scrotum or nice sounding scrotum. Hope we helped Matt!

Matt: shave s-c-r-o-t-u-m. check! i don't think the sound quality will be too problematic for what we use it for, it's a small room that can only seat 100 people tops, it's just to give the teacher a little boost since meditation teachings are fairly soft-spoken. thanks for the recommendations!