About six months ago I bought my wife, Amy, and I the Samsung Epic 4G Android smart phone to replace our aging Blackberries. It was like upgrading from dial up service to a cable modem. The sheer computing power of these phones was overwhelming. Being a gadget geek, the Samsung Epic was a dream come true. It combined all of the devices I was using for entertainment and social networking into one, beautiful design.
The Samsung Epic is the Lamborghini of Android phones. It’s seemless black design with light up navigation keys and a slide-out QWERTY keyboard is a work of art. Inside, the phone houses a blazing fast processor that is paired with a Super AMOLED touch screen to produce silky smooth graphics. With the upgrade to Froyo, the Samsung Epic now supports Flash 10.1 (trumping the mighty iPhone 4). The Samsung Epic 4G is essentially the ultimate gaming Android phone and it was a no-brainer in a crowded market.
Amy was also excited at the prospect of “keeping up with the Jonses.” After all, our friends had been flashing their iPhones in our faces for years. We were behind the times; technological lepers. The Samsung Epic would push us into the next stratosphere of handheld gaming and social networking. We were finally on the bleeding-edge of technology. And, we weren’t mindless sheep flocking to an Apple Store.
Yes, the first six months were sweet. I downloaded more apps then what I had use for. I participated in the Internet social cloud. I started this blog. The best of all: I played games; a lot of games. The fact that I could play games with 3D graphics on my phone blew my mind. AirAttack HD is a long way from BrickBreaker. We were cool.
Oh, the blasphemy.
One night I cuddled up next to Amy in bed, I noticed she was playing a game on her Samsung Epic. It occurred to me that I never inquired as to her gaming catalogue. I inched closer to my darling to peer over her shoulder. Perhaps she had discovered a game that I had yet to try? To my surprise, she had indeed found a new game. Her finger quietly darted along the smooth surface of the Super AMOLED screen. I estimated she was using about 1/100th of the Epic’s processing power to play Solitaire.
I wondered if maybe this encounter was just a coincidence. I knew Amy was not a big gamer, but she did grow up with video games. She had to have more games? She had to have interest in exploiting her phones processing power.
“I think the computer cheats. It’s probably the algorithm.” Amy said as, the following day, I found her bouncing on a yoga ball and playing Solitaire on her phone. Sacrilege! How dare she play such a pedestrian game! It was like driving a Lamborghini the speed limit or playing “Hot Cross Buns” on a Bach Stradivarius Trumpet.
The next day, while lounging on the couch, she was playing MORE solitaire. On a $600 smart phone. Solitaire! I whipped out my Samsung Epic and showed her the brilliance of all the 3D games I had downloaded. She shrugged as if it didn’t matter. She liked solitaire. She wanted to play solitaire. Before she goes to bed every night she played solitaire.
Someday I will show her the awesome-ness of her Samsung Epic. She thinks I’m a loon, but one of these days I will root it. Oh yes, I will steal her phone and root the shit out of it just to unlock the potential buried deep within its processing power. Then she will weep for it is sweet and powerful. Enjoy Solitaire on your precious, unrooted Samsung Epic for now. One of these days you will wake to find it violated in the most beautiful sense. Some day, my love, I will show you the power within its data banks. I will break you free of the Solitaire shackles. Praise Android, you will bask in the heavenly glow of your Super AMOLED display for it is a miracle of science and human ingenuity. Praise Android, for it is the one and true open operating system. Praise Android, for its ever increasing market share. Praise Android, for it will show you the way to gaming bliss.
Now I must depart to complete my Google shrine. Heil Google! Seien sie nicht übel!
